Friday, April 03, 2009

thinking, thinking, thinking, but not alone

yesterday I went to pick Josu up from school. while there I had some interaction with a student teacher that has been helping out in his class.

what really happened:
the student teacher approached me, holding Josu's hand.
she said "today, during the afternoon session, Josu's class is planning a special goodbye party for me because I am leaving"
I said "oh?"
she said "yes, and I know Josu doesn't normally come back to the afternoon session, but we were wondering if he could come back today because I think it would be fun for him and fun for me"
and I said "well, I think that would be totally fine; I'll check with Joshua and see what he thinks, and if everything works out, we'll bring Josu back for the party"

what I wish had happened:
the student teacher approached me, holding Josu's hand
she said " "today, during the afternoon session, Josu's class is planning a special good bye party for me because I am leaving"
I said "oh really!? I'm sorry, after all this time, I don't even know your name! what's your name?"
she said "Maite"
I said "wow, Maite I really, really appriciate your help with Josu's class; I know it can can be wearing chasing after three year olds all day; I bet they'll miss you"
she said "well, I know Josu doesn't normally come back to the afternoon session, but we were wondering if he could come back today because I think it would be fun for him and fun for me"
and I said "well, I think that would be totally fine; (smiling face, warm eyes) I'll check with Joshua and see what he thinks; Josu is so lovey towards people who spend time with him, and I am certain he would enjoy that time with you; besides, we ALL know how much Josu appreciates a good piece of party cake! (chuckle, chuckel)"

what I feel happened:
the student teacher timidly approached me, clinging to Josu's hand. (she's heard about this mother before - - the American who refuses to ever bring her son to class for the afternoon sessions)
she stumbled over her words and said "today, during the afternoon session, Josu's class is planning a special good bye party for me because, uh, I am leaving"
I snatched Josu's hand out of hers and said "hmph"
she said "uh, mmmmm . . . well, I know Josu doesn't normally come back to the afternoon session, but we were wondering if he could come back today - - just for today, because I think it would be fun for him and fun for me"
and I narrowed my eyes suspicioulsy at her and said "well, maybe; I'll check with his faaaaaaather and see what he thinks, and if every single detail works out, maybe we'll bring Josu back for the party. maybe"

sigh.so I think most of you know that I haven't been feeling so good.
I'm getting some tests done to try and figure out why I have been sleeping so much and why, when I am awake, I feel like I only have energy enough to sit on the couch and read. there are some indications it might be some small thyroid issue. we'll see.
my Spanish friends all ask me "are you depressed? are you depressed?" (depression is, I believe the #1 cause for temporary workplace medical disability here in Spain) and no, I don't feel depressed, but when I am tired I do have a hard time being hopeful, or even just seeing things they way they really are.
I work hard to think about what is good and true
but God didn't ask me to work alone. he put me in community - - he gave me a church family; they help me too. I'm thankful for them.
some of them are here, some of you are there. thank you.

12 comments:

Amy said...

Oh, Naomi.

Praying, praying.

Gabrielle said...

I hope we can encourage you while we're there, but not be too overwhelming...I understand how our emotions and tiredness can totally skew reality. I am praying for you. I wish I were there. And I'm sure beyond a doubt that you gave that lady a warm look and a positive outlook for the afternoon...

GreenEggsandSam said...

:)

Rachel said...

Is this one of those posts that you've been mulling over?

whether it is or not -- it's good.

and we love you.

Jim said...

Naomi

Maybe God just wants you rest under a tree, be nurtured, then get back to ministry. What do you think?

Your Uncle Jim

Naomi Smith said...

Amy - - thank you!

Gab - - oh my word, I can't wait till you guys come!

sam - - you sure do a good job blog commenting; thank you for letting me know you stop by

Rachel, nope. not the one . . .
I know you love me! (you are hanging up my laundry as I type!)

uncle Jim - - possibly. it's good to be weak; it reminds me to cry out for that nourishment every day. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be still and know that he is God, and that is good . . .my family is making sure I get rest.

Snooley said...

praying for you!

lizandbunyan said...

Ah Naomi I just saw this...I will pray. Health can be so tricky sometimes. I used to take it so much for granted until I started getting such disabling headaches. It also CAUSES me to feel hopeless and depressed, not the other way around.
And I'm with Gab...I cannot see you putting on a grumpy face even if you were feeling like it.
Please let me know how things turn out and how I can pray more specifically. Love you.

Debbie said...

I'm glad you are looking into your health issues. I have hypothyroidism, so I can relate. I know this will sound weird, but cod liver oil and coconut oil can be helpful. You can find some info on Westonaprice.org, but the book Eat Fat, Lose Fat by Mary Enig talks more about it, among other things. Hope you're feeling better very soon!!

Debbie said...

And I'm sure you were very kind and sweet with the helper in Josu's class. :-)

Heather Pelczar said...

Oh Naomi. Maylisa doesn't have a passport and neither does Chris or I would be right over to help. I love you tons and tons. I wish I could be tired for you. I am still praying for you. I will pray more. I wish I could help you. I am sure your eyes twinkled even though you didn't feel it. I know they had to have twinkled at her just a little.

darcie said...

Ah this is hard but it's also really good-thus the paradoxes of a life centered on Christ; when we are weak, He is strong.
And increasingly, I am thankful for the Saviour's amazing plan for his church and his saints.
much love. . .